


you're the cold outside, and i am the warmth of my bedroom

by aristocraticpapyrus



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Depressed Sans (Undertale), Fluff and Angst, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Songfic, Sunsets, brief mentions of papyton, vaporwave aesthetic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 10:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15794772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aristocraticpapyrus/pseuds/aristocraticpapyrus
Summary: --"I wish I could be young forever, not for leisure, but to keep trying until this works.  Time destroys more than it creates. It's not good for me."--“What’s going on inside that head of your sans?” you said quietly as you scooted a little closer to him.  You noticed how his hands were rubbing together almost to the point where it looked painful.  You reached a shaky hand out to his and clasped yours over them to stop the movements.Sans could instantly feel your warmth seeping into his bones.  He wanted to feel that warmth forever and to never let go.





	you're the cold outside, and i am the warmth of my bedroom

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooo everyone! So this is my first proper fic in a long time and the first undertale fic I have ever published! So, I would appreciate any form of feedback and who knows, maybe I will write more! Thanks to my lovely friend Angel for beta reading this! I really hope you enjoy and please, listen to the tunes if you get the chance! 
> 
> Becky.

Inspired by:

_ the silence between two special songs ( _ [ _ x _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhmPYoy0g6Y) _ ) _

 

Special thanks to  [ @unparalleledangel ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnparalleledAngel/pseuds/UnparalleledAngel) for beta reading

  
  


Songs I listened to while writing this: 

 

june gloom by prima ( [ x ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=av6twyhq8gs) )

still laughing by gentlebeatz ( [ x ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrQTmhmUqMA) )

nights with you by prima ( [ x ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcvX6RKinNQ) )

solitude by boni ( [ x ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DUn44kfYcg) )

dream sequence by kendall miles ( [ x ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NQQ5VnpXjc) )

reaching by trinton ( [ x ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfWNOrc7Jjk) )

 

\--

 

_ My bedroom feels warm, but it's cold outside.  I can tell because of the foggy windows.  _

_ I think about it for a minute, there are things you know but you can't feel and there are things you can feel, but you don't know how to explain.   _

_ How did we get to this point? _

_ I once thought my presence and yours would go hand in hand. We were energy interacting, two souls toying to change each other's lives.  _

_ Looking at you was like looking into the  _ **_lake._ **

 

\--

 

The warm colours of the sunset were blending into the horizon as the sun threatened to tip over the edge.  The ocean spread out for what looked like infinity. The way that the colours bled together on top of the foamy sea water was relaxing despite the tense feeling between you two.  The water wasn’t too choppy, but you could still hear it lapping at the bottom of the harbour wall you were dangling your legs over. The summer air was still tickling at your bare legs though you could feel a certain cold edge to it.  Whether that was because it was August or something else you didn’t know. There was an eerie feeling in the air, cutting through like a sharp knife. You invited sans out here to talk and to just enjoy each other’s company but it felt like the exact opposite.  You wanted to huddle close to your boyfriend, even though you knew you would receive no warmth from him. 

“it’s a nice song they’re playing, isn’t it?” Sans said softly,  reminding you suddenly of his presence. He had been so quiet and unassuming that you almost forgot where you were or why you were here.  You turned your head towards the single beachside café that you knew he was talking about. It was your favourite spot and there was always someone at the front playing something beautiful.  There was a man playing a soft tune with his saxophone. He looked like the kind of person you would expect to be playing the saxophone. Clad in a certain aesthetic with a hat and sunglasses.   The tune was melancholic and somewhat…fitting. The melody reminded you of how despite the city being bustling, there was always time for a music break. You turned your head back to look at sans with a small smile.  

“Yeah, it’s really nice.  It’s almost like he’s playing just for us since no one is around ” you said as you took in the sight of your boyfriend.  It had been a while since you had seen him in person. It wasn’t because you were busy or didn’t have time for him. You had both been distant from each other for some reason.  You couldn’t quite pin it down though. Sans was looking out across the water, resting his chin on one of his hands. He looked more tired than usual, and sans tended to look tired most of the time.  His blue hoodie was looking more grey and the fluffy ends on the hood were frayed. Basically, he looked like he hadn’t washed his clothes for weeks. You missed these nights together but it didn’t feel right this time.  You both spoke on the phone often enough to know how work was going for him and to let him know how college was going for you, but you couldn’t help but feel like something had changed between the two of you recently. That’s why you had asked him to meet you here tonight.

“so, um, how is college going?” sans let his eyes glance over to you and he instantly regretted it.  Seeing how the colours from the sky were dancing across your skin was enough to make his soul tug in his chest.  Not to mention that you were looking at him with those soft e/c eyes. You gasped gently as you thought about everything that had happened this week at college.  He watched as you spoke enthusiastically about your course. Your hands were moving in fluid gestures all over the place to emphasise how much you were learning and how much you wanted him to read your essays.  He was good at pointing out spelling mistakes and he was also good at praising the good bits. His eyelights were watching your hands darting backwards and forwards, extending from your chest and curling your fingers.  He always liked how you spoke with your hands, it reminded him of someone. Though he couldn’t quite remember who. Sans let his eyes drop down to your lips forming your words, but he wasn’t quite catching them. All he could hear was the gentle rush of waves beneath him and quiet mumbling.  It was like a lullaby that could put him to sleep. He wanted sleep, so very desperately. 

Your eyes narrowed slightly when you started to realise that sans wasn’t actually listening to you.  Usually he would give a little nod and his eyelights would move about as you spoke. Always analysing every little crevice of your face and the curve of your smile.  He always took the time to listen to every word you had to say. Right now, he was just looking at your face with no expression and tired eyes. You let your hands fall to your sides, gripping the sides of your shirt.  You looked into his dark eyes, looking for a sign that he wasn’t asleep. 

“Sans?  Are you okay?” you asked quietly as you tilted your head.  You waved your hand in front of his eyes to get his attention.  You heard his sockets blink together a few times as he was brought back to you.  His eyelights scanned your face as the little blue sparks of magic in his sockets flickered.  He had been acting like this for a few weeks now. Spacing out more often, sending less texts, missing your phone calls and falling asleep on the sofa earlier than usual when he came to your place.  Sans brought his eyes up to claw at his eyes. He wanted to physically rub off this haze he was feeling. He wanted to draw out every sharp pain behind his eyes until he felt nothing or until he was blind. 

You grew a little worried as you noticed he must have a headache.  You glanced down to your hands and sighed, looking back out toward the ocean.  You focused on a small boat bobbing up and down among the far off waves. You wanted to be on that boat, your heart sang out to the idea of being so far away from here.  The boat seemed to be going into the horizon, until it would fall off the edge of the world or sail away to the far sea forever. 

 

\--

 

_ I wish I could be young forever, not for leisure, but to keep trying until this works.  Time destroys more than it creates. It's not good for me.  _

_  
_ _ For better or for worse, we had to share existence, isn't that funny?  Many have seen the same moon as us, but how many saw it that same night, in that same instant?  _

_  
_ _ We were a silence between two special songs, silence that is also music in itself, a trace, faded silhouettes, not strangers...  _ **_never strangers_ ** __

 

\--

 

“Did you not get enough sleep last night bonehead?” you teased sans as you looked back at him, bumping your shoulder off of his bony one playfully.  He moved a little bit with your push and he took his hands away from his eyes. He wanted to tell you how he hadn’t had enough sleep for weeks now. How he hadn’t really seen his brother for weeks now.  How it felt like he was trapped in a four corner room in a world purely boundless. He missed Papyrus so much, so much. Sans gave a small scoff. 

“yeah, tell me about it.  i keep reading those books you got me.  they’re…really good” sans said the last part very quietly.  It was almost a whisper. That’s right, you had bought sans some astrology books from the local bookstore.  Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. You felt your heart yearn as you saw how sans was clearly troubled about something.  Getting him to open up about his feelings was about as hard as trying to convince Papyrus that overtime wasn’t always necessary. 

Sans was wringing his phalanges together as he looked out to the ocean.  He could feel the friction between his knuckles causing himself a hot, stingy pain.  He was entranced by the way water moved against things like rocks and currents. That something so free moving could crash against something so hard to just keep going.  Sans often thought about how nice it would be to be able to just keep moving like that. Things would be so much easier if it he could just keep moving forward. A bird had an end goal in sight and would continue to fly against all odds until it was there.  Sans felt like a bird with no goal and broken wings. Trying to keep itself from crashing to the ground but falling closer every day. 

“What’s going on inside that head of your’s sans?” you said quietly as you scooted a little closer to him.  You noticed how his hands were rubbing together almost to the point where it looked painful. You reached a shaky hand out to his and clasped yours over them to stop the movements.  Sans could instantly feel your warmth seeping into his bones, oozing into the fine cracks that he had collected over the years. He wanted to feel that warmth forever and never let go. 

Sans was taking deep breaths even though he didn’t need to.  He found that it helped him to scrap together his thoughts when they got like this.  For the past couple weeks, his head had been swimming with incomprehensible trains of thought and this feeling of impending doom.  It was like there was a rain cloud over his head, bringing promises of a storm but never changing from this light drizzle. Ever since they had reached the surface a year ago, Sans had been cautious of attachment and routine.  He didn’t know what to do with himself when it came to change. Papyrus took to it like a natural. Sans wanted to know how he did it, but sans knew he could never be like that. He knew it was all going to go back to normal any day now.  He kept saying to himself that he would wake up on his springy mattress and tattered blankets. He would come downstairs and smell something horrible and hear the ear piercing squawks of his not so little anymore brother. 

Now, he woke up in a soft bed every morning, encompassed by blue sheets that smelled of you.  The house always smelt nice. Papyrus took pride in keeping it spotless when he had the time and ensuring it was always a happy place to be.  Sans didn’t wake up to his brother anymore. He was already out of the door by the time sans managed to drag his feet down to the stairs. Sans couldn’t accept that this new life was permanent.  He didn’t understand why that kid just hadn’t reset already. He wanted to accept that you were his new ‘normal’ but he didn’t know how. 

Your eyes were scanning his frame as his shoulders shook gently.  It seemed like he was trying to hold back tears with the way that his shoulders were heaving.  His eyes came out of focus from the ocean to your kind expression. You were always there to look at him like that.  With those soft, nonjudgmental eyes. What did he ever do to deserve an angel looking over him? He had to turn his head away quickly. 

“do you ever think about your whole life just being a dream?” sans said shakily.  Your brow furrowed slightly as you processed what he was saying. Sans often came out with these sorts of things.  He was very philosophical in thinking and a little too critical over the concept of existence. You always felt rather small when speaking to him about it.  You never understood fully but you knew that sans was aware of some higher forces at play. That part you could never understand. You were aware of what sans called ‘resets’ and ‘timelines’.  He simply described them as the source of his despair for, well, he couldn’t remember how long. He tried to explain them to you in simple terms once he felt you were ready. Once he had began to trust you and you trusted him, he opened up about what it was like for him and Papyrus underground.

He spoke about time being a loop and how there were alternate dimensions of the same universe and you were just one in a sea of millions.  You understood how time could be seen as a never ending circle. When someone keeps bringing you back to the same place, it can feel like you’re almost around the corner only to end back where you started.  You believed every word he said and promised to always be there for him in his time of need. It seemed to you now like he had been needing you for a long time. Like he needed this communication and he had been keeping so much pent up emotions inside.  Either you never noticed, or he kept up a good mask. After all, it’s quite easy to play off your emotions with a permanent grin on your face. You didn’t know how to answer his question or whether he wanted an answer. You just clutched the top of his knuckles tight to let him know that you were listening.  

“sometimes i feel like this is all some sort of dream.  i can’t tell whether what i am living is real or whether i truly am asleep and just haven’t woken up yet.  i’m terrified y/n…terrified of waking up to find myself in my…old bed” sans whipped his head round abruptly.  You could see in the shape of his eyes that he was scared of what he was saying. Scared to admit that he was not okay and that clearly didn’t know what to do with these feelings.  His eyelights kept enlarging and he had what looked like tears collecting in the bottom of his sockets. Your mouth was dry, and your tongue felt like it was caught in your throat as you tried to think of something to say.  Seeing him so upset and scared was leaving you speechless. 

“i keep telling myself that this is real.  that this” – his hand moved out from under yours to reach out toward the last slithers of the sun before it would descend down into the ocean – “is all real! it has to be to real…i never have dreams this good” he was looking at the water longingly like he wanted to reach out and plunge his hand into the cold icy depths.  Sans wanted to feel the water on his bone to remind him that he, himself was real. He wanted to feel the sharp coldness of the liquid seep deep into the small cuts. He knew he wouldn’t feel pain from the cold but he would at least feel something. 

“i keep lying to myself…to feel better.  it makes the nights easier and the days sweeter.  i’ve never been so happy to get up before, you know?  Knowing that i get to see your face coming down from the college with that stupid grin on your face and knowing that papyrus is out there being the best” sans sniffled a little bit even though he had no nose to sniffle from.  He could feel magic trailing down his nasal bone. Was he crying? When did that happen? 

 

\--

 

_ I'm so lost in my thoughts... I can't tell the difference between dreams and reality anymore and if what I imagined with you was never real, then I'll just keep lying to myself.  _

_ It's better that way.  _

_  
_ _ I don't expect to change fate, I don't have any chances left.  I try to romanticize failure and  _ **_learn to love without owning_ ** _ , that could work, I guess...  _

 

\--

 

So, Sans was scared that everything he had and everything he was working towards was going to reset someday.  He had expected it to happen by now and when that never happened, he didn’t know what to do with himself. He had to accept that things were going to be okay.  But how does one do that when you have become so used to 

“How long have you been feeling like this?” you said hoarsely.  You didn’t realise that your eyes were heavy with tears just ready to fall though you vowed not to cry.  Sans had let his hand fall back down to tug at your fingers. His phalanges tangled between your soft digits.   _ Souls toying with each other to change fate _ . 

“a few weeks…maybe more” sans slurred as he thought about everything that had happened in the past few months.  

So many things had changed that he just wasn’t prepared for.  Papyrus had this amazing job working for the local newspaper. He wasn’t just some errand boy though, he was going out into the world to promote monster and human relations.  He was doing a pretty amazing job. So amazing that he had to leave at seven in the morning and sometimes not come home that night. He had that  _ amazing  _ boyfriend to crash with.  He missed his little brother that would come to him in his time of need and he missed reading bedtime stories.  It was almost like he didn’t need sans anymore…

When Sans had gotten the job, he had been pretty surprised at first.  He worked from home, looking over reports from Alphys and making sure all her figures were correct.  Ever since Alphys had found out that Sans was a lot smarter than he let on, she immediately set up the proposition.  It wasn’t much but it did mean that Sans had a purpose and something to do when he got up in the morning. You always loved to come over and peep over his shoulders when he was reading reports.  Then attacking him with a huge hug and snuggling his neck from behind so you could see that smile. 

The best thing by far that had happened was you.  It was an off chance that you both met. Pure coincidence or maybe something more.  You often put it down to something cheesy like destiny or the stars in the right line.  Sans played along, knowing that indulging in romance crap made you love him even more every day.  You were perfect for him. You always knew how to get him to smile and how to keep him afloat in his worst of times.  It seemed like you were too good to be true. You were in college studying (your favourite subject), staying with your aunt in the city and you loved to have fun.  Sans always knew what to do when you were sad and knocking on his door soaking wet from the rain. 

You always laughed at his jokes and he loved listening to you babble on about your favourite tv shows  and that puppy you saw in the street that made your day. Sans always knew how to show you a good time and he soon found himself getting lost in the thing that humans call ‘love’.  One day, he felt his soul spark up with magic like it had never felt happiness before. His soul had never felt so full and so heavy with love in forever. 

It was a warm summer evening when he had realised he was in love with you.  The way that your hair rustled gently in the wind and how you looked at him like he was the centre of your world when you were in fact his.  You had made everything seem like it was okay. Like everything was as it should be and everything was in its proper place. Papyrus described it as the last piece of the puzzle that he hadn’t known he had been searching for his whole life.  This process of falling in love was unfamiliar and scary but sans was ready to fall headfirst. That was until he had a dream about losing you and everything going back to the way it was. It was like he had opened his eyes from this sugar coated nightmare and found himself falling headfirst into something more gruesome. 

 

_ I will keep looking around until I find someone who laughs like you.  I’ll know it’s you.  _

 

“I’m sorry.  I’m sorry sans.  I’m so sorry” was all you could say as you saw sans feeling so many emotions at the same time.  His eyes were threatening to close as he looked at your intertwined hands. You rubbed the top of his knuckles soothingly and edged your face closer to his.  Sans made no sound as blue trails of pent up magic rolled down his curved cheeks and over his slightly chipped teeth, making his shorts and the top of your hands damp.  You curled your sleeve over your free hand and took the soft edge to his cheeks, gently wiping and dabbing the tears away. Seeing Sans crying didn’t feel right at all. You had fond memories of going to the movies with both brothers and half the time Papyrus would be in tears by the end.  It was normal to see someone so emotionally driven brought to tears by the simplest of things. You weren’t used to seeing Sans cry as he hardly gave away any inclination as to how he was feeling apart from his grin being a bit wider and his eyes being a bit brighter. Sans turned his face away in embarrassment, your sleeve brushing around to where his ear would be.  You sighed softly and let your hand fall to your lap. You wanted to set Sans straight, but you weren’t sure how to get through to him. You wanted him to know that you were real and that everything he was working for was something incredible. 

“I promise you that I am real Sans.  I am not just here to torment you or act as some trap.  I am here, loving you and some part of me feels like I am here with you for a reason” you pleaded as you took a hold of Sans’ chin softly.  You turned his head so that he was forced to look at you. His eyelids were drooped, and he looked exhausted. He wanted nothing more than to collapse on your shoulder and to fall asleep in your arms like he wasn’t a complete failure.  

“Can’t you see that I am here, not hesitating to love you and not hesitating to give you my everything?  A simple computer programme or dream wouldn’t want to give you the whole world Sans! You are my whole world!” you insisted as you let one single tear fall down onto your nose and drip off the edge.  

“So, I guess I can’t give you the world, you already have it” you chuckled lightly as you held one of Sans’ cheeks in your hand.  He was looking at you with wide eyes. You knew he was listening to everything you had to say. 

“What will it take for you to believe that this is real?” you whispered as you pressed your foreheads together.  This was one of those rare moments where sans felt your souls beat together at the same time. It was like you were thinking and breathing as one, truly connected like no one else could be.  With that question you posed, came a million possibilities in his head. What was it going to take? Was this ever going to be truly okay? Would he ever feel truly happy with you like this? He wanted to say yes.  He wanted to believe in everything that you said about loving and caring. He wanted to believe everything Papyrus had been saying for all those years about having hope and never giving up. Papyrus always knew that Sans could be better, even if he didn’t think so.  He wanted to be better for  _ you _ . 

 

_ Can I stay a bit longer? You can stay forever, just say the words and I’ll stay.  _

 

“be mine forever?” Sans asked quietly into your ear as your faces stayed together in the precious moment.  He hadn’t thought that his words carried much weight until he considered how long forever is. That’s…a long time.  It was a lot to ask of you. He never wanted you to leave. He never wanted this blissfulness to end. He wanted to stay here with you, looking out into the ocean together forever. 

You blinked a few times, letting the tears dry up, making your cheeks red and puffy.  You raised your head to look at him with a surprised look. You were thinking about his words.  Forever? What did he mean by that? Was he asking you to marry you or something? You hadn’t planned on leaving him anytime soon but you have never let your thoughts wander past just this moment in time.  You had never considered what the future might hold for the both of you. Sharing every moment with Sans felt like it was enough. You felt like you didn’t deserve him. You didn’t deserve the bright warmth he brought with him.  With Sans, usually Papyrus followed, and you had gotten used to the blinding sunlight that that brought. To be honest, no one felt as though they deserved the never ending optimism that was Papyrus. He had brought so much joy to your life as well and Sans was not Sans without him.  He was always that little bit happier with his little brother around. You had gotten used to seeing them both every day and nothing would change if you said yes. If you agreed, everything would just feel a bit more official. Like you really had a place among Sans’ unique group of friends.  You would no longer be ‘SANS’ HUMAN’ but rather y/n. It seemed like a far off dream but, this was really happening wasn’t it? It would be more sensual or rather…more sansual. You felt your lips curl up into a soft smile. Sans could feel your lips against the side of his skull, gently grazing the bone.  It was a soft reminder of your fleshy body compared to his harsh exterior. 

You pulled back, so you could rest both of your hands on his shoulders, squeezing them tightly.  You were smiling affectionately as you looked into his eyes. 

“Of course,” you said fondly as your smile caused your eyes to bunch up a little.  You had never smiled that full according to Sans’ memory. He etched your face into his mind, so he could never forget how you looked in this single moment.  Just in case he did wake up tomorrow to a hard bed and snow outside his door. He never wanted to forget this and how it made him feel. He wanted to remember you so he could find you again if ever needed.  He gave a big, real, genuine smile. One of those smiles that made his eyes curve upwards, making it seem like his whole face was smiling.

 

“huh, really? awesome...you’re the best y/n”

\--

 

_ You hide within every single thing I sense, you can only be seen if I focus long enough.  _

_ I can't feel you, but I know you're there. _

_ I will know it every time I look through my window. _

**_You’re the cold outside, and I am the warmth of my bedroom._ **

 

 

 

 


End file.
